Observations of an Aging Baby Boomer

Aging Baby Boomer Observing

1.   Archaeologists have discovered an "Elixir of Immortality" in an ancient Chinese family tomb. This is possibly the first example of a scientific experiment gone wrong because everybody in the grave is dead.

2.     The length of time it takes a package to reach your house is in reverse ratio to the importance of the package.

3.     Never trust anyone over 70.  We’re old enough to know all the tricks if we can remember them.

4.     Never judge anyone until you have walked a mile in his shoes.  If the shoes don’t fit, you’re screwed.  Being screwed gives you the right to get mad, which provides you with the right to search out the owner of the shoes and clobber him.

5.     Early to bed and early to rise can make a person really grouchy, especially if everyone else is having fun while you’re in bed.

6.     Yes, your dog or cat loves you, so stop wondering about it.

7.     Scientists are finally figuring out that procrastination can be good for you.  I could have told them that myself, but I kept putting it off.

8.     Historical facial reconstructions are showing us, more and more, how ugly some of the famous people were.

9.     Old age is a lot of fun – for the manufacturers of canes, walkers, orthopedic shoes, and support stockings.

10.  Never sneeze at senior discounts.  Those $2 will buy you half a coffee at Starbucks.

I Am NOT a Senior; I Am Merely Eligible for Senior Discounts!

For years, I have lived in a state of self-induced denial, in which I have refused to believe I was getting older.  Yes, there was that pesky arthritis in my knees.  My balance wasn’t great.  My hair was turning into what my hairdresser kept insisting was a fabulous shade of gray.  My hearing was gradually getting worse.  I took so much medicine every day that I felt like a walking pharmacy.  So what?  I still felt like a 20-year-old inside, and everyone was saying that 60 was the new 40, which made me, at most, middle-aged.  I could deal with being middle-aged.

For years, I resisted joining my local senior center.  My Italian grandmother, who lived into her 90s, used to go to her senior center a lot.  I loved my grandmother very much, but the idea that I, myself, might profit from a senior center never entered my brain.  I saw them as places for white-haired 90 year-olds.  I had a way to go yet before reaching THAT milestone.

No, this isn't me.  She looks like she's enjoying herself, though.

This year I turned 70.  To most people, that means I am now old.  To me, it just means I have hit the new 50, which is still smack into middle age.  I refuse to leave middle age until I am good and ready, or until I die of old age, whichever comes first.

At 65, I became eligible for senior discounts.  This is a holdover from the days when almost everyone retired at 65.  Most people still retire by their late 60s, but more and more people are still working full-time.  I was working full-time up until a few months ago, and the only reason I am not STILL working full-time is because I was laid off.  I turned 70 a few months ago, so maybe it’s about time.  I still want to work, but at something I actually like to do.  That’s a whole other story for another essay.

If I meet someone like this at the senior center,
I will be content.

My book Opera for People Who Don’t Like It was published back in October, and I thought it would be great to give a reading/book signing at one of the local senior centers.  In the process of talking about this with their activities director, it occurred to me that they had some nice stuff at that center.  I found out that most of it was free of charge to members.  This included exercise classes, art and craft classes, writing workshops, lectures, first-run movies (every Wednesday), trips and really cheap lunches.  I decided that it was silly not to take advantage of these things, so I took out a membership, which also turned out to be free of charge.

I can also ride the New York City buses and subways at a considerable discount.  I don’t mind taking advantage of that, either.

So here I am, a 70 year-old middle aged woman, taking free belly dancing, yoga and meditation classes and getting caught up with some of the movies that I don’t get to see in my local AMC Loews.  (Yes, I go to movies, usually on Saturday mornings with a group of friends, all of them younger than I am.  I am becoming a real lover of action movies in IMAX 3D.  I didn’t think I would ever say that.)

I know I won’t live forever on this planet, but for the time being it’s nice to live as if I still have a whole lifetime ahead of me.

... like these two!

Cheerful Old People

It’s a stereotype:  the elderly curmudgeon.  You know:  the old guy who yells at neighborhood kids whenever they get within ten feet of his yard; the gray haired woman who complains when you walk too loudly; the two old ladies who sit on the porch, whisper to each other and glare at everyone who passes by; and what have you.  It gives all older people a bad name.

 

Don't let that smile fool you.  He buries things in his backyard.

Most of us over-60 types are nice, pleasant people, but that doesn’t get you the same kind of attention that you can get by slugging people with a cane while simultaneously cursing in two different languages.  That gets immediate attention, although probably not the kind the perpetrator wants.

Even though we constitute a majority of the senior population, we nice oldsters deserve some credit for existing as nice people, because it isn’t easy.  Have you ever tried to be cheerful when your back is hurting, your arthritis is flaring, you have to go to the bathroom ten times a day and you only got about three hours of sleep the night before because you kept waking up every hour?  What if, in addition, you can’t get anywhere without a cane, a walker or a power chair anymore, when you were once your college’s track and field champion?

How many young people do you know who could avoid turning into a wet blanket under those circumstances?  I thought so.

I have a theory, and it goes like this.  It’s a good thing that age sneaks up on us slowly, because that gives us a chance to get used to all the ailments.  If you get used to having ailments, you can either minimize them or make the most of them.  If you minimize your ailments you can still be a fun person.  If you make the most of them, you can get out of doing things you don’t want to do, anyway.  In either case, you can have some fun.

I prefer to minimize ailments.  My ailments are boring even to me, so I can imagine how tiresome it is for other people to hear about them.  The subject of osteoarthritis is interesting to doctors.  I like to leave it that way.  There are more interesting things to talk about, such as books, movies, music, how we Baby Boomers shook the universe – that kind of thing.

 

These people know how to have a good time!

There is one thing, though, that can turn even the Little Mary Sunshines among us into temporary harpies:  being treated as if we are nuisances instead of human beings.  Yes, some of us walk slowly.  We can’t help it.  Go around us when you can, and get over it.  There are some among us who are in the first stages of dementia, and might ask the same question or make the same remark every five minutes.  Yelling at them doesn’t help, because they don’t know we are repeating something they already said.  If they did know, they wouldn’t say it again.  Besides, they are not going to remember five minutes from now that you yelled at them.  Smile, answer them and pretend you never heard the thing before.  If you are working in a place that is supposed to provide help to us, don’t snap at us for asking questions.  To you, it’s an interruption in your workday; to us it might be something critical to our lives.

Growing older isn’t easy, but that doesn’t mean the fun is over.

No, this attractive older woman is not me.  I wish it were.

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Kathy Minicozzi is the author of "Opera for People Who Don't Like It", which is available on Amazon.com in paperback and Kindle formats.