Cheap Thrills for Seniors

Does this look like an obscene phone caller?

There are two things that are true about many or most senior citizens:

1.     We’re bored;

2.     We’re broke and/or we still expect to pay 1970 prices for everything.  We never buy anything that doesn’t come from a thrift shop or a flea market and, even then, we complain that it’s too expensive.  We are paying a ridiculously low rent, because we won’t move from the rent-controlled 5^th floor walk-up apartment we have been living in for 40 years.

This leaves us with a big problem:  how to have some fun without spending any money.  Here are some suggestions.

Make your hearing aid squeal into your ear.  The achievable level of noise depends on the freshness of the battery and your own manual skill.  You should be able to get up a good decibel level just by passing your hand over the device.  Some people will wonder why this is classified as fun.  If someone can explain that to me, I will be happy.

Ride your power chair on the sidewalk, and, whenever you hit a bump, yell “Oops!  There goes another one!”  Make note of the looks you get from people.

Make an anonymous obscene phone call to the pastor of your church.  When you see him/her on Sunday, act as if naughty words would never leave your lips and you have a shining halo around your head.

Go to the movies.  Oops!  You have to spend money for that.  Scratch that idea.  Wait until it comes on the cable TV that your grandson so kindly showed you how to steal from the people next door.

Goose people on the rear with your cane.  This is even more fun if you can get them to jump.  When they turn around and come after you with the intention of squashing you like a bug, put on the helpless old person act and get everyone around you to gang up on your assailant.

Remain silent while everyone around you talks, then suddenly come up with an intelligent, well thought out, educated commentary.  This will shock everyone, especially the ones who think that everyone over 60 is senile.

This is only a handful of the things that we seniors can do to take the boredom out of our lives.  You just need some imagination, a willingness to look ridiculous and maybe get arrested, and a lot of freakin’ nerve.