Stupid is as Smart Does, or How to Make an Ass of Yourself 101

I have a decent IQ.  No, I don’t know what it is.  Our elementary school wouldn’t tell us.  They didn’t even tell us they had given us an IQ test, although it was obvious to most of us what it was.  Before that test was given, my teachers had considered me pathetic.  Afterward, I became the Smart Kid Who Wouldn’t Apply Herself.  Neither appraisal made me popular with my instructors.

Now that I have established the fact that I am not stupid, I will begin my story.

I have two Kindle readers.  I bought one of them in December, 2010.  It is an older model with a keyboard, and it does not have a touch screen.  I bought the other one in March, 2015.  It is a Kindle Voyager, with a touch screen and no keyboard.  It is smaller than the other one.  In other words, they don’t look alike and I don’t operate them in the same way.

Until a few days ago, I had not used either Kindle for some time.  Instead, I have been going through a phase of buying printed, paperback books.  The two Kindles have languished where I put them.

A few days ago, I was browsing Amazon.com and found a few books that looked interesting.  This time, instead of paying for paperback copies and waiting for them to come in the mail, I decided to resurrect my Kindle Voyager.  I ordered the Kindle versions of the books.

You got that so far?  Good.  There’s more, and it’s more interesting than all that background information.

I couldn’t find my new books on the Kindle.  I went onto the Amazon.com website, looked for instructions, and tried a few times to download my new books.  Nothing worked.  Finally, I decided that contacting a real person was the only answer, so I started a chat with one of the Amazon.com representatives.  It only took a minute to connect with someone, which made me happy.

Here is a condensed version of the chat transcript:

09:37 PM PST S--(Amazon): Hello, my name is S--. I'm here to help you today.

09:37 PM PST Kathryn Minicozzi: Can you help me download my new books to my Kindle Voyager?

09:38 PM PST S--: No worries. I'll help you in this regard.

09:39 PM PST S--: Are you referring to the books:
1. Den of Thieves
2. The Unofficial Harry Potter Insults Handbook: 101 Comebacks for the Slytherin in Your Life
3. Snape: A Definitive Reading

09:39 PM PST Kathryn Minicozzi: Yes.

09:39 PM PST S--: Thanks for confirming.

09:39 PM PST Kathryn Minicozzi: Those are the ones I am not finding on my device.

09:40 PM PST S--: I have sent the books to your Kindle device from my end.  Please try to sync the Kindle device now.

WE HAD TO WAIT FOR MY KINDLE TO UPDATE.  WHEN IT UPDATED, S— AGAIN ASKED ME TO SYNC THE KINDLE.

09:49 PM PST Kathryn Minicozzi: No new items. Should I press the menu button and try to sync it again?

09:50 PM PST S--: Yes, you can try to sync the Kindle again.  Once the book is downloaded, it will appear on your Kindle home screen.

09:50 PM PST Kathryn Minicozzi: It said No New Items.

09:51 PM PST S--: Is your Kindle connected with your WiFi network?

09:52 PM PST Kathryn Minicozzi: Yes. Wifi is on.

09:52 PM PST S--: Are you able to access the Kindle store?

09:53 PM PST Kathryn Minicozzi: Yes.

S—TOLD ME TO DEREGISTER MY KINDLE AND GAVE ME THE INSTRUCTIONS.

09:59 PM PST Kathryn Minicozzi: I just did it.

09:59 PM PST S--: Thank you.  Now try to register your Kindle.

10:00 PM PST Kathryn Minicozzi: This will take me a couple of minutes. I have to look up my Amazon.com password!

INTERRUPTING HERE TO SAY THAT I HAD A HARD TIME TYPING MY AMAZON.COM PASSWORD ON THE KINDLE KEYBOARD AND WAS TAKING FOREVER TO DO IT.

10:01 PM PST S--: Just to confirm, have you deregistered the Kindle keyboard device or Kindle voyage device?

10:01 PM PST Kathryn Minicozzi: Kindle Voyage. "Kathryn's 2nd Kindle"

10:02 PM PST S--: May I know the device serial number?

MORE CRAZINESS WITH ME STILL TRYING TO TYPE MY PASSWORD ON THE DAMNED KINDLE KEYBOARD WHILE TRYING TO FIND A SERIAL NUMBER

10:12 PM PST S--: I see that you have de-registered your Kindle keyboard device and not your Kindle voyage device.

10:14 PM PST Kathryn Minicozzi: Oy! I haven't used my Kindles in so long, I must have picked up the wrong one!
*embarrassed*

The patient rep downloaded two of the new books onto my OLD Kindle.  When the survey came up, I gave him 5 stars all the way through.

I am imagining a room somewhere, full of Amazon.com reps, who are passing around the transcript of this chat and pissing themselves laughing.