This is the third installment in what is apparently becoming
a series.
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Women and the
Movies
Most of us enjoy a good movie. The question is, what movie and why.
Science Fiction
Action Movies
They have excitement, explosions, chases, fights, shooting, explosions,
objects that can destroy the universe, people getting into cosmic messes in
places far away from earth, and explosions.
Some of them also have ugly monsters who have a lot of fun making life impossible
for humans. Muscular, hunky robots are
also common. Sometimes they are the good
guys, but to us Real Women who are heterosexually oriented that isn’t as
important as the hunk factor.
A guy might suggest going to see the latest sci-fi action
flick because he loves special effects, fights, explosions and monsters. He imagines himself in the role of the hero,
vanquishing evil all over the cosmos and protecting everyone from some painful
annihilation dreamed up by an imaginative screenwriter.
The guy’s girlfriend will be happy to go with him, but her priorities
will be checking out all the hot male stars and admiring the female lead for
being able to fight and shoot like a man.
She will wish she looked as good as said female lead in those tight,
body-hugging costumes. Special effects and
fights are entertaining, but she can take them or leave them. The plot of the movie and the sexiness of the
onscreen males are most important, especially if the plot includes romance or
cute characters like Rocket Raccoon and Baby Groot in http://www.imdb.com/title/tt3896198/
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2.
James Bond Movies
These films are in a class of their own. James Bond is the ultimate Sexy Hot Heavy-Breathing
Inducing Movie Guy, whether he is played by Sean Connery or Daniel Craig. The fact that he only hangs around with
stunning women who look 500 times better than any of us doesn’t bother us heterosexual
Real Women, because we all daydream about being Bond girls – at least the ones
who don’t get killed. Getting killed puts
a real damper on the fun.
I mean, even Miss Moneypenney can’t get near him, and she’s not
exactly ugly. She just doesn’t look as
good as Ursula Andress or Jane Seymour.
I think Mr. Bond should reassess his priorities.
James Bond is cool.
He never has to buy a car, courtesy of the British government, and he
can drive like a maniac and never get a traffic ticket. His cars have all kinds of gadgetry, and he’s
so smart all it takes is one little demonstration session with Q and he is
automatically quick acting and competent at all of them. For those of us who must pour over
instructions word by word to learn to operate a simple kitchen appliance, this
is an incredible feat of genius. I
wonder if Q slips an instruction brochure under the driver’s seat, in case 007
forgets how to operate the cigarette lighter bomb or the exhaust pipe torpedo.
 |
| ... or how to shoot a gun |
James Bond can’t be bothered going undercover. He announces his name out loud to everyone
who can hear him: “Bond. James Bond.” That takes real moxie. It’s stupid, but it takes moxie.
He likes his Martinis shaken, not stirred. I don’t know the difference myself, but, when
he isn’t killing someone or chasing A-list women, he has real class, at least
when it comes to mixed drinks.
When offered a choice between Goldfinger or The Terminator
on cable TV, a Real Woman is going to choose Goldfinger, unless a guy who is
ready to defend it to the death has control of the remote.
 |
| Member of the Bond Girl Gene Pool |
Casablanca
Guys want to be like Humphrey Bogart. Women want to be courted by him. Guys wonder why the Ingrid Bergman character
doesn’t leave Victor Laszlo and stay with Rick so the two of them can take up
the great sex they had been having in Paris behind Victor’s back. Women understand that the movie must end the
way it does, but it’s just so ROMANTIC that way, especially for those of us who
cry at sad movies. After all, the
problems of three little people aren’t worth … well, you know.[1]
This brings us to the subject of romantic movies in general.
Romantic Movies
Most Real Women are suckers for sappy onscreen romance,
especially the kind that is not likely to ever happen in real life at any time,
ever. How many street hookers wind up
with billionaire boyfriends? Come to
think of it, how many street hookers look like Julia Roberts and how many
billionaires look like Richard Gere?[2]
Back in the 1920s, women were fainting with desire over
Rudolph Valentino and sighing when he hooked up with an onscreen love.
Things haven’t changed much.
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