The Ancient Deities Support Society and Dysfunctional Family Primal Therapy Group

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I have an unfinished novel that I plan to finish eventually.  I don’t know when this will be.  It will be sooner if I don’t get sidetracked with other projects.

In the meantime, I thought I would have some fun with a few of the minor characters.  Here goes.

Welcome, everybody to the first meeting of The Ancient Deities Support Society.  I am SO excited that Mum decided to form this group and to make me the leader.  The life of an ancient deity in the 21st Century is not easy.  My name is Hebe, and I am a goddess.

A minor one.

Who said that?

I did.

I might have known it was you.  I can smell the wine on your breath all the way over here.

You always had the biggest nose on Olympus!


Dionysus, I told you to leave my daughter alone!

(Whispering and snickers around the room)

Oh, Hera, I cannot do that.  Hebe is such a … how do you call it … spoiled little snob.  All those boring emails she sends to us!  OOF-AH!  And now you make us come to this meeting!  Managgia!  And don’t call me Dionysus!  I am Bacchus!

I will ignore everything you say because you are drunk.

(Sounds of “Ooh!” from other attendees)

And you are the son of a whore, you … you … Italian bastard!

My mother was not a whore!  My mother was a saint!  She was loved by a god – your father.  I am your brother, you little idiot!

MUMMY!!  Make him stop!

It’s alright, Hebe.  There, there, Dear.   Don’t cry.  Just pretend he isn’t here.  You’re doing fine.

Yes, Mummy.  As I was saying, the life of an ancient deity in the 21st Century is not easy.  My name is Hebe and … never mind.


Just ignore him, Dear.

This is boring.

This group has been set up to offer help, support and solace to any of us who are experiencing difficulties in this modern age.  Who would like to be the first to share?

I had great difficulty to get here and am now having difficulty to stay awake!

Shut up, Dionysus!  You are disrupting the meeting and making it hard for everyone else!

(Someone shouts, “You tell him, Hera!”  Everyone else giggles.)

Bacchus!  I am Bacchus!  I live in Italy now many centuries.  I grow the best Chianti in the world and the second best olive oil.  I don’t like my Greek name anymore.  And you want to make this group only to keep track of us and make us miserable!

How would you like to be hung by your feet from a cloud?

How would you like me to tell your husband Zeus what you were doing with those two cabana boys last summer?

I wasn’t doing anything with anybody!

I know.  But Zeus does not know that!

(The room explodes in laughter.)

That’s it!  I can’t take any more of this!

Where are you going, Young Lady?  Come back here this instant!

I’m going out for a beer!


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