As Might be Seen on TV

Scented Nose Cover

OPEN ON shot of woman changing a baby's diaper, looking as if she is about to pass out from the smell.  The woman is wearing no makeup, her hair is messy and she is wearing an apron that is falling off her shoulders.

ANNOUNCER (VOICEOVER):  Oh, those putrid odors!

CUT TO shot of a well-dressed man on a New York City subway platform, holding his nose.

ANNOUNCER (VOICEOVER):  Bad odors!

CUT TO shot of woman mopping a linoleum floor, using bleach, with her hand over her nose.

ANNOUNCER (VOICEOVER):  Strong, bad odors!  Don't you wish you could find a way to get rid of them for good?

CUT TO shot of announcer, standing in a field of flowers

ANNOUNCER:  Your search is over.  I would like to introduce you to Smell-B-Gon, the scented nose cover.

Large image of plastic nose appears in top left corner of screen.  The plastic nose is equipped with what looks like two little oxygen tubes on the bottom.

Oops!  Wrong Nose!  But you get the idea.
CUT TO man on subway platform, who is pouring a liquid from a tiny bottle into a Smell-B-Gon, then putting it on his nose and inserting it, after which he takes a deep breath and looks happy and refreshed.

ANNOUNCER (VOICEOVER):  Just squirt a tiny bit of scented oil into the tube, insert it into your nose, and presto!  No more bad smells!  You will be instantly transported to an aromatic garden, laden with your favorite flowers.

CUT TO picture of four different plastic noses of different shades and four little vials of liquid of different colors.

ANNOUNCER (VOICEOVER):  Smell-B-Gon comes in four different skin tones, to match your natural coloring, and we include four fragrance vials:  lilac; jasmine; rose and mystery.  You can get all of this for just $19.99 plus shipping and handling.

Something like this, just not as old and a lot cheaper.
But wait!  There's more!

WRITING appears on the screen, showing 2 for 1 offer, 800 number and website URL.

ANNOUNCER (VOICEOVER):  You can receive an additional Smell-B-Gon and fragrance set absolutely free.  Just pay the additional shipping and handling.  And if you order within the next 20 minutes we will include, absolutely free, our two special fragrances:  antique mimeograph ink and antique model airplane glue.

CUT TO woman lifting baby from changing table.  This time her hair is styled, she is wearing makeup, she is well dressed and she has a Smell-B-Gon in her nose and she is smiling.  The 800 number and the website URL appear on the bottom of the screen.

WOMAN WITH BABY (speaking as if she has a cold):  Smell-B-Gon has changed my life!

(Woman holds the baby up and rubs noses with him.)

ANNOUNCER (VOICEOVER):  So don't let bad smells get you down.  Get Smell-B-Gon today.

Comments

Kathy Minicozzi said…
I wrote this as an assignment for a Comedy Writing course at Columbia University. Just thought I'd share it!

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