The Monster has Risen


In other news, scientists, tourists and startled gondoliers have reported a sighting of the famed Grand Canal Monster, popularly known as "Grandie."
Unlike the Loch Ness Monster, which is usually seen as a long neck with a little head on the end of it, the Grand Canal Monster appears as two gigantic white human arms and hands. In the past, Grandie has been mistaken for some large, submerged ancient Roman statue, but that idea was debunked when it was seen by two people who were selling knockoff Gucci handbags to let go of a building it was grabbing and sink back into the water. In addition, Venice was not an ancient Roman city, so no statues were built there by the Romans. Other people built statues there later, but not the Romans, because they weren't there to do it.

The appearance of the monster has caused great concern within the ranks of the Venetian municipality. They are wondering if the creature will wreck some kind of havoc on the annual Regatta and on the gond…

A Telling Defense

Author CAMERON GRAHAM posted this writing prompt on Facebook on 1/17/2018:
Challenge: Make a character portrait of someone with a huge blind spot in his or her self-awareness--something that everybody else sees but to which the character is oblivious. But the portrait should still be three-dimensional and complex, not cartoonish.

I, Rose Marie Lapazza, freely make this written deposition, witnessed by my nephew Salvatore, who is a notary and who knows that I always tell the truth and I never gossip, in spite of what everyone says, including his mother, my sister Angela, who drives her husband crazy and can be a real pain in the ass.
Last Sunday, January 14, 2018, I was coming out of the 11:30 Mass over at Our Lady of Mount Carmel Church.  I stopped to talk to Mary Ryan and Father Rizzo because I always stop to talk to Father Rizzo and Mary was standing there talking to him before I got there.  She has a hard time getting around because of her bad knee, poor thing.  It’s her age.  She’s o…

The Hair Papers

Author Lucie Guerre posted the following writing prompt on Facebook: Found an advertisement on Facebook for "100% human hair". Create a story in which someone buys 100% human hair off a Facebook ad and why they would make such a purchase.

To: Invasion Preparatory Staff

From: General Zork-Snut

In our efforts to transform our Invasion Force into the likeness of earthlings, it has become painfully obvious that we are lacking in one resource.

Unlike the people of our planet, humans have hair on their heads. If this mission is to be successful, we must acquire a large amount of human hair ASAP.

Sclat Dok, one of our advance scouts has found an advertisement on something that humans call "Facebook" for 100 percent human hair. With this memo, I authorize Ms. Dok to buy enough human hair to cover the heads of 50 members of our invasion force.

Ms. Dok, please do this ASAP. Our people have never had hair on their heads before, and they will need time to adjust to it befor…

The Christmas Movie Quiz

Any day now, they will start.  TV networks will broadcast classic Christmas movies, and they won’t stop until Christmas is over.  There will probably even be a marathon of A Christmas Story, as there has been every year since ... please don’t ask me, because I can’t remember.
In order to prepare for this yearly film festival, I have prepared a little quiz that will make you aware of how much you need to bone up on your Christmas movie knowledge, so that you can get up and go to the kitchen at any time during any of the shows without missing anything important.
The Christmas Movie Quiz
1.Home Alone:  What is the name of the kid who is left alone on Christmas? a.Buddy b.Ed c.Kevin d.Krampus e.That’s no kid.  That’s a miniature demon.
2.Home Alone:  Why does _______’s family leave him alone on Christmas? a.He’s an obnoxious brat and they hate him b.They’re stupid c.He’s stupid d.They’re late leaving for the airport to go to Europe and, in their hurry, they leave him behind e.All of the above
3.Elf:  Wh…

The Christmas Song Generator

Are you tired of hearing the same old Christmas music over and over?  The solution is obvious:  create your own song!
The easiest way to do this is to take a pre-existing song and change some of the words, to put your personal stamp on it.
To get everyone started, here is Christmas Song Generator No. 1:
To the tune of A Holly Jolly Christmas:[1]
Have a (insert two adjectives) Christmas It’s the (insert adjective) time of the year. I don't know if there'll be (insert noun)
but have a (insert name of food or beverage)
Have a (insert two adjectives)Christmas;
And when you (insert verb) down the (insert noun)
Say (insert greeting) to (insert plural noun) you know
and everyone you meet

Oh ho
the (insert noun)
hung where you can see;
(insert name of person or a pronoun) waits for you;
(insert verb) once for me
Have a (insert two adjectives) Christmas and in case you didn't hear
Oh by golly
Have a (insert two adjectives) Christmas This year
At the next Christmas party, you will dazzle your fr…

This is What Happens When You Fool Around on Facebook

Posted to the Writing Prompts Group on Facebook by Author Leland Lydecker:
You've lived in this slum all your life, staring up at the towers of wealth and affluence above and longing for the kind of life where you have clean running water and enough to eat. While hunting for another job, you stumble across a posting for a R&D position with the city's largest cybernetics manufacturer.
The pay is a small fortune in your eyes, and the only required qualification is the ability to pass a physical health exam. One line in the small print catches your eye as you press the button to sign up: "CyberTech Corp now removes the pain receptors of all its R&D subjects in accordance with UN regulations regarding human testing." How does the new job work out for you?

My Response:
I brush the roach off the computer screen and he falls to the floor behind the old de…

If I Were on a "Law and Order" Jury

Jury duty stalks me like an obsessed lover.  No sooner has the legal period between calls elapsed than they call me again.  It never fails.  Some people are never called for jury duty.  I wish I knew what saint I must invoke to get on THAT list.  So far, nothing has worked, including moving from one county to another.  They found me at my new address, and I got the summons.  Different courts, same routine.
I am a Law and Order junkie.  I watch old episodes of it, over and over.  I know the plots.  I know Lennie Briscoe’s life story.  I can answer most of the trivia questions that my cable company asks on commercial breaks.  In the Law and Order world, courtrooms are scenes of high drama.  Attorneys shout “Objection!” at the slightest provocation and insult the judges.  They do borderline illegal things to get evidence accepted.  Nobody is bored, including the jury.  It doesn’t get any better than that.
Real jury duty is something else.  If you report in person, you are put in a big room…