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Showing posts from October, 2017

The Litter Tree

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The diversity of life forms on this planet is beyond awe-inspiring.  Life forms include trees.  I believe I have discovered a new species of tree, right outside my apartment window.
Horticulturists don’t believe my reports.  The nicest response I received from one of them was the one that stated, “We pass your report around the office every April Fools’ Day and laugh until we wet ourselves.”
Therefore, like everyone else who has seen something unusual, I am thumbing my nose at the scientists and telling my story to the public.
Some trees grow sweet, fragranced cherry blossoms, then sweet, delicious cherries.  Some trees grow apple blossoms, then nice, round, delicious apples.  Other trees grow oranges, apricots, acorns and other nice things.
The tree outside my window is a litter tree.It grows plastic supermarket bags, two at a time.I don’t know how this happened.Maybe somebody back in the 70s or 80s buried a supermarket bag in the yard/garden outside our building and it somehow took root…

Mr. Anderson's Birthday Party (A Halloween Short-Short Story)

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Dear Sister Hilda:
I am submitting this for the English assignment you gave us, to write a story about something true.  You are going to think I am making all this up, but I’m not.  It really happened.  My Mom will back me up, if necessary.  Even my brother Patrick will back me up, because he won’t tell a lie to a nun.
Theresa McMahon
My parents love old houses.
When I was nine years old, Mom and Dad bought a corner lot in our little town “for a song.”  The lot had a peeling, two-story wood frame house with one of those big verandas that had a swing.  It took them almost a year to bring that old house up to where it could be inhabited again.  It cost them more to renovate that old fossil than they had paid to buy it. When they were finished, though, it was really lit.  Mom planted a flower garden, and Dad re-seeded the lawn.  We moved in right after my tenth birthday.
People would drive or walk by our house, stop and take pictures.  “You should see what the McMahons have done to the old Wi…

Sloppy Shopping

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My shopping lists are useless.  I can never go to any supermarket, dollar store, bookstore or any other place that sells stuff and come out with only the thing(s) I intended to buy.
When I say never, I mean never, as in at no time whatsoever in anyone’s dreams.
I have the same problem with online shopping.  It’s my way of giving happiness to the many employees and shareholders of Amazon.com and other favored shopping sites, who depend on people like me to keep the business going and the stock values up.  I love to spread such joy.  It makes my life complete, along with the latest Stephen King novel, a 5-pound bag of M&Ms and that Capri set that I couldn’t resist because it had a picture of a cute puppy on one leg.
To illustrate the problem, let’s say that I am planning to do a small supermarket shopping.  I have searched my cupboards and my fridge to see what’s missing and have come up with the following list, or something like it:
1 quart of milk 1 quart of half & half (because I …