Humor is one of the best ways to battle hatred and bigotry. It is in that spirit that I post this piece. I believe that Donald Trump and his ideas are dangerous, and I strongly hope he will not be elected. Using humor is one way to fight against him. I usually steer clear of political humor, but I feel challenged to write this.
THE DONALD TRUMP GROUPIE AND FAN CLUB NEWSLETTER
First off, the person who always edits everything I write, Annabel Lee Longfellow Stump, got mad at me yesterday and stomped out. I counted on her to correct my grammar and stuff because she went one year to Community College before she flunked out. So I got nobody to put this in high toned language. My ten-year-old son, bless his heart, went in and corrected my spelling and put in some punctuation and took out some bad language, so at least this isn’t illiterate.
(I deny any involvement with this newsletter other than some minor editing, which was done under parental duress, and the ideas presented here are most emphatically those of my mother, not me. The author’s unnamed ten-year-old son.)
Why do we drool and pass out over Donald Trump? Well, that guy is HOT! Okay, he looks like an old orangutan, and that hair isn’t going to ever lie right on his head. He’s stuck on himself, he’s insensitive, he’s bigoted and he’s bad tempered. But there are other things about him that cause us to ignore how he looks, talks and acts. He’s super rich, he has a lot of power and he’s famous. You can overlook a lot in a man if he has those three qualities.
And we all know he’s hung like a horse. He said so himself, in front of the whole world. And sticking his hands in the air was a lot more classy than showing himself. You got to give him credit for that.
You hear a lot about a wall he wants to put up down along the border to keep the Mexicans out. I got nothing against Mexicans. Some of my best friends are Mexicans. My daughter went out with a Mexican til I chased him off with a shotgun. I’m just afraid the whole country of Mexico is sitting down there waiting to sneak across and steal all the low-paying, crummy jobs that a lot of us depend on and marry our kids and make us all speak Spanish, even if we still have trouble with English. Well, Donald Trump has promised to protect us from all the poor folks down there who want a better life up here, and he figures building a wall will do it. I don’t know how he figures to keep people from learning how to go over that wall, but I’m sure he’ll get up a plan of some kind.
As for that family who lost their son in Iraq, I’m a little suspicious of anyone named Khan. You remember that Star Trek movie, The Wrath of Khan? Well, it makes you wonder. That Khan in the movie was a villain. And his name was Khan. Now we got a family named Khan. Would you feel sorry for them, with that name? I think our Donald remembers the movie and can’t separate those people from Ricardo Montalban with white hair and wrinkles. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it because I don’t have a better one.
As for Hillary Clinton – well, isn’t one president in the family enough? They just got to have TWO? The rest of us don’t get that right. Just cause she’s real smart and experienced and all don’t mean she has to go in and hog the president job for the Clintons. She ought to give someone else a chance.
Yes, I know our Donald likes to talk and he says things he ought not to say in front of people, but I believe with all my heart that he don’t mean a lot of it. He can’t mean a lot of it cause he’d be stupid if he did. You also got to admire his wife for not knuckling under to what other people wrote for her to say. She heard some good things from other people and used them. How was she supposed to know that people actually pay attention to what Michelle Obama says?
Some people are scared that our Donald will turn out to be a dictator or something. Well, I kind of like the idea of being told what to do. When I have to think too much my head hurts.
Melisande Albina Dummschlager (“MAD”)
The Donald Trump Groupie and Fan Club
DISCLAIMER: Aside from the name Donald Trump, all of the names in this piece came out of the author’s imagination and are not meant to represent any person, living or deceased. In addition, The Donald Trump Groupie and Fan Club is a figment of the author's imagination, and not meant to represent any group in existence at any time.