Showing posts from August, 2016

La Voce Italiana According to Me

I am a female singer.  I am not a man and not a tenor.  I still sing Neapolitan songs.  Contrary to popular belief, being a tenor is not a requirement for singing Neapolitan songs.  Being able to sing is a requirement, preferably with a voice that is not painful to listeners.

There are Italians who can’t sing, but there are so many who can sing that most of the world thinks all Italians can sing.  We prefer to leave non-Italians to their illusions in this matter because this particular stereotype can be good promotional material for those of us who sing professionally or own restaurants.  There are many Italians who have done other things with their lives that have nothing to do with singing.  We are grateful to Guglielmo Marconi for inventing the radio, to Antonio Meucci for inventing a telephone about 5 years before Alexander Graham Bell got to it and to Leonardo da Vinci for inventing a bunch of things that don’t work but show what a genius he was.  I won’t mention Napoleon Bonapa…

Pampering Myself Silly

I would enjoy pedicures if it were not for one thing:  my feet are ticklish.  I mean paralyze-the-nervous-system ticklish.  Yes, they are that bad.

So why do I get pedicures, you ask?  I have two reasons:
1.When my feet are smooth I am less likely to end up with holes in the expensive support stockings that I have to wear because the veins in my legs don’t work properly.  I more than make up what I spend on pedicures by not having to buy so many pairs of those damned things.
2.Plain old ordinary vanity.  This is not logical because I almost never wear sandals, even in summer.  The only beings who see my feet all the time are me and my cat, Harmony.  Harmony doesn’t care if I have neon colored polish on my toenails and smooth heels.  She’s more interested in staring out the back window at the local urban life forms, both animal and human.
Pedicures are great at first.  I immerse my feet in a luxurious whirlpool bath with blue stuff in it and it feels really good.  If I could just stick …

Thoughts of the Day

1.  It is better to turn on one air-conditioner than to curse the heat, especially when the heat index is up around 100 degrees Fahrenheit.

2.  If everyone but turns on one air-conditioner, the whole world will be cool … until the circuits are overloaded, causing a huge blackout.  In that case, everyone is cooked.

3.  When that happens, everyone should put on bathing suits, go out into the yard and squirt each other with a garden hose.  This is a perfect excuse to revert to childhood, which we all secretly want to do, anyway.

The Donald Trump Groupie and Fan Club

Humor is one of the best ways to battle hatred and bigotry.  It is in that spirit that I post this piece.  I believe that Donald Trump and his ideas are dangerous, and I strongly hope he will not be elected.  Using humor is one way to fight against him.  I usually steer clear of political humor, but I feel challenged to write this.
Kathy Minicozzi
First off, the person who always edits everything I write, Annabel Lee Longfellow Stump, got mad at me yesterday and stomped out.  I counted on her to correct my grammar and stuff because she went one year to Community College before she flunked out.  So I got nobody to put this in high toned language.  My ten-year-old son, bless his heart, went in and corrected my spelling and put in some punctuation and took out some bad language, so at least this isn’t illiterate.
(I deny any involvement with this newsletter other than some minor editing, which was done under pa…