I must be
bored right now, because I am reading the quotes on my Shakespearean Insults
coffee mug. I bought this a few years ago in The Strand bookstore, near
Union Square in Manhattan. In my defense, I also bought a Shakespearean
Love Quotes mug, but it’s at home right now and I can’t get at it.
The average
person’s vocabulary of insults is woeful. To help remedy this situation,
here are some suggestions for creative insults that could be used by people of
various professions. The Bard of Avon was quite a wordsmith, and he knew
how to make quite a zing with them. No,
I don’t know which plays these came from. I’m reading them off a coffee
mug, for Pete’s sake!
Butcher:
“Mountain of mad flesh.”
Dentist:
“Veriest varlet that ever chewed with a tooth.”
Dermatologist:
“Thou art a boil, a plague sore.”
Exterminator:
“Beetle-headed, flap-ear’d knave.”
Farmer:
“Elvish-mark’d abortive, rooting hog.”
Fashion
Designer: “The soul of this man is in his clothes.”
High
School Biology Teacher: “Poisonous bunch-back’d toad.”
Neurologist:
“Light of brain.”
Otolaryngologist:
“Not so much brain as ear wax.”
Psychologist:
“Anointed sovereign of sighs and groans.”
Schoolteacher:
“O gull, o dolt, as ignorant as dirt.”
Zookeeper:
“Bolting-hutch of beastliness.”
I will
gladly accept any thanks for sharing these, after I finish my coffee.
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