Christmas Gift Ideas for Your Favorite Redneck Relative

The idea of Christmas gifts is to give someone what he/she would really like and fill the person’s heart with joy, even if the gift in question is something that we hate so much it makes us want to puke, right?

All of us have at least one family member whose taste in just about everything is more on the level of beer and Rice-a-Roni rather than champagne and caviar.  Here are some ideal Christmas gifts for your redneck relative who has everything.

Wall/Window D├ęcor
A talking/singing fish wall plaque

A picture of Elvis done on black velvet
Little fishes for the bathroom wall (best if they don’t match the shower curtain)

Framed pictures from a local dollar store

Home Accessories
A statue (of anything or anyone) with a clock in its stomach

A very large, fake Chinese vase made of some metal that clangs when you drop it
Fake Egyptian, Asian or African statues, painted in vivid colors.  Nefertiti is very popular.

Wax or plastic fruit for the kitchen table centerpiece

Lawn Accents
A garden gnome.  For Catholic rednecks, a plastic St. Anthony shrine.

An old tire and a strong rope, to make an ideal tree swing

Food
A month’s supply of Budweiser beer

A month’s supply of Hamburger Helper
A box of Russell Stover chocolates and one of those big containers of popcorn that looks like a painted trash can


This should be enough to get you started on the task of finding just the right Christmas gift for that one family member who has been so hard to shop for.

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