Showing posts from November, 2017

If I Were on a "Law and Order" Jury

Jury duty stalks me like an obsessed lover.  No sooner has the legal period between calls elapsed than they call me again.  It never fails.  Some people are never called for jury duty.  I wish I knew what saint I must invoke to get on THAT list.  So far, nothing has worked, including moving from one county to another.  They found me at my new address, and I got the summons.  Different courts, same routine.
I am a Law and Order junkie.  I watch old episodes of it, over and over.  I know the plots.  I know Lennie Briscoe’s life story.  I can answer most of the trivia questions that my cable company asks on commercial breaks.  In the Law and Order world, courtrooms are scenes of high drama.  Attorneys shout “Objection!” at the slightest provocation and insult the judges.  They do borderline illegal things to get evidence accepted.  Nobody is bored, including the jury.  It doesn’t get any better than that.
Real jury duty is something else.  If you report in person, you are put in a big room…

The Discriminating Coffee (Snob) Consumer

Yes, I am one of those.  I love coffee, but only the fancy stuff.  I don’t care if it’s mountain grown or good to the last drop or an instant road to romance.  The only time I will drink Folgers or Maxwell House or any of that ilk, especially if it has been brewed in a percolator, is (1) if I am having such a bad case of caffeine withdrawal that I am ready to commit murder, or (2) if there is no other coffee available and there won’t be an opportunity to sneak over to Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts or McDonald’s for the next several hours.
You are not hallucinating.  I did include McDonald’s.  Their coffee is pretty good.  I guess they figured they had better get in on the good coffee trend before all the other fast-food restaurants beat them to it.
Brewing coffee in a percolator is a sin against one of God’s great gifts to humanity, the coffee plant.  Coffee beans that have been roasted and ground deserve a better fate than having most of their flavor boiled out of them.  I used to use a p…