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Women are Like ... What Again?

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CHAPTER TWO

I have been reading Dave Barry’s Complete Guide to Guys (published by Ballantine Books and available on Amazon.com, which is where I found it).  Since there is a guide to guys on the market, I thought it would be fair to give equal attention to us women.  I appointed myself to the job, because I am eminently qualified, being a woman.
I already started this in another post, and it was fun.  I like to have fun when I write, so here is the next installment.
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Interior Decorating
There is one thing that every red-blooded woman feels deep in her heart:  nothing in the house ever looks good where it is now.  This is of vital importance.  To a Real Woman, her environment is intertwined with her mental health, the well-being of her family and her reputation with in-laws, friends, neighbors, the co-op board (when applicable) and anyone else who might drop in, including that cute UPS guy who looks like Johnny Depp.
Even women who work outside the home during the day and …

Women are Like … What Again?

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I have been reading Dave Barry’s Complete Guide to Guys (published by Ballantine Books and available on Amazon.com, which is where I found it).  Dave Barry is one of my idols.  One of these days, if I work hard, I’ll be able to write like that.  Hope springs eternal in the human heart.  Somebody was the first to come up with that quote, but I won’t tell you who it was because I don’t feel like looking it up right now.[1]
Now that there is a guide to guys on the market, I thought it would be fair to give equal attention to us women.  I appointed myself to the job, because I am eminently qualified, being a woman.  Besides that, it’s my idea and I got here first.
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A Couple of Old Timey Ideas That Are a Crock of You-Know-What
To start with, women are not scatterbrained, weak or helpless.  If you don’t believe this, try any of the following traditionally female occupations:  Childbirth.Raising children and keeping a house clean.Raising children and keeping a house clean while …