Showing posts from November, 2014

Embarrassing Product Names

I had nothing better to do in the last couple of days, so I looked on the Internet for funny product names.  Your imagination can soar to great heights or fall to great depths with these.  Here are some examples.  Most of these are just so wrong that it would be a crime not to poke fun at them.

Bag Balm What I imagine it to be:  A tranquilizer for unattractive old ladies What it is:  A salve to be applied to a cow’s udder.  It can also be used by humans as a hand lotion.
Fagottini What I imagine it to be:  A group of tiny gay men who insist that a “faggot” is a piece of firewood that provides light and warmth and, therefore, it is not an insult What it is:  Stuffed pasta
Megapussi What I imagine it to be:  (1) A witch’s brew that enlarges lady parts; (2) A giant cat. What it is:  Potato chips
Nuclear Licorice What I imagine it to be:  A minuscule device disguised as a piece of black candy, designed to blow up entire cities. What it is:  Plain old ordinary brown colored lozenges
Soup for Sluts What …

So Write, Already!

For most of the past week, I have been stuck at home, courtesy of a big arthritis flare-up in my right knee that turned me into a temporary cripple.  A great chance to sit down and write, right?
It would be if I knew what to write about and how to write it.  But I don’t.  I have a disease called Writer’s Block.  It attacks the brain cells.  The patient becomes terminally bored with every single possible topic and unable to come up with an opening sentence.  As the disease progresses, the brain becomes more and more paralyzed, until all the patient can do is try to hold a ballpoint pen with his nose and toss crumpled paper at the cat.
The only thing I have written all week is this thing..
Words come and go, in no particular order.  Amanuensis.  I haven’t thought of that word in months!  Serial.  Horticulture. Hairy.  Hairy horticulture.  Meravigliosa.  Voleva una vita meravigliosa!  Sheeeeesh!  I can put together a halfway decent opening sentence in Italian, but not in English!  What’…