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Showing posts from April, 2014

Holy Week Hilarity

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I like to think that Jesus was looking down at us and laughing.

Holy Week in a Roman Catholic church is always nerve-racking for those involved in the services, including the music people.  In the best of circumstances it's easy to forget, from year to year, exactly how each service goes.  If you have a new pastor in charge, though, and that new pastor has ideas of his own, you can end up with a train wreck.

That's what happened to us on Holy Thursday evening.

As "Leader of Song" I was the soloist during the mass.  The choir was there, too, and, as usual during times like this, I was singing with them as well as handling my own music.

That's enough background.  Let's get to the story.

The whole mass went without a hitch, including the washing of the feet.  Several men from the congregation came up to the altar, sat on folding chairs, took off their shoes and socks and had water poured over their feet.  We could only hope they had all showered that day and th…

Cheap Thrills for Seniors

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There are two things that are true about many or most senior citizens:

1.     We’re bored;
2.     We’re broke and/or we still expect to pay 1970 prices for everything.  We never buy anything that doesn’t come from a thrift shop or a flea market and, even then, we complain that it’s too expensive.  We are paying a ridiculously low rent, because we won’t move from the rent-controlled 5th floor walk-up apartment we have been living in for 40 years.
This leaves us with a big problem:  how to have some fun without spending any money.  Here are some suggestions.
Make your hearing aid squeal into your ear.  The achievable level of noise depends on the freshness of the battery and your own manual skill.  You should be able to get up a good decibel level just by passing your hand over the device.  Some people will wonder why this is classified as fun.  If someone can explain that to me, I will be happy.
Ride your power chair on the sidewalk, and, whenever you hit a bump, yell “Oops!  There goes…

Bugs and People

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I am like most women (and some men, I’m sure).  Insects and mice give me the willies.  I can face an audience of 4,000 in a theater without a problem.  I travel in airplanes and ask for a window seat.  I fantasize about being a storm chaser.  I laugh at death.

Well, I don’t laugh at it, but death doesn’t scare me as much as it should, which is pretty strange, when you think about it.
But let me see a mouse or be accidentally touched by a centipede and I will be the first person out the door, screaming at a pitch only dogs can hear.
There must be an evolutionary reason for the way human females react to creepy crawlers, going back to the days of the caveman.  Our male ancestors probably came home from a hard day of hunting bison to something like this:
FEMALE:  Og!  You home!  Good!  Big spider in cave!  Go kill it!
MALE:  Spider little.  You big woman.  Why YOU no kill it?  Take rock, go bang!  Easy!
FEMALE:  It make big squish!  I got to look at it, clean it up.  You big man.  You kill bug…