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Showing posts from May, 2016

Life in New York: Snarky Letter to New York City Transit

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NOTE:  This is a real letter that I actually wrote and mailed to the New York City MTA.  Yes, I had the nerve to do this!

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May 21, 2016

MTA New York City Transit
(NAME OF PERSON)
President
2 Broadway
New York, NY 10004
Dear (NAME OF PERSON):
First, let me say that I have been riding the New York City subways for many years, and I usually manage to get from one place to another without anything more than the usual aggravations, such as no available seats, squealy brakes and baby carriages in the doorways.
This afternoon was another story.  Trying to get around the city on a weekend can be an adventure.  My trip this afternoon was a prime example.  Unfortunately, this was one transportation adventure that I would have preferred not to have on a Saturday afternoon or any other time.
Under ordinary circumstances, a trip from the AMC Loews theater on 68th Street to my home in The Bronx involves nothing more than getting on an IRT No. 1 train and staying on it until I get to 231st Stree…

I Am NOT a Senior; I Am Merely Eligible for Senior Discounts!

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For years, I have lived in a state of self-induced denial, in which I have refused to believe I was getting older.  Yes, there was that pesky arthritis in my knees.  My balance wasn’t great.  My hair was turning into what my hairdresser kept insisting was a fabulous shade of gray.  My hearing was gradually getting worse.  I took so much medicine every day that I felt like a walking pharmacy.  So what?  I still felt like a 20-year-old inside, and everyone was saying that 60 was the new 40, which made me, at most, middle-aged.  I could deal with being middle-aged.
For years, I resisted joining my local senior center.  My Italian grandmother, who lived into her 90s, used to go to her senior center a lot.  I loved my grandmother very much, but the idea that I, myself, might profit from a senior center never entered my brain.  I saw them as places for white-haired 90 year-olds.  I had a way to go yet before reaching THAT milestone.
This year I turned 70.To most people, that means I am now …

The (Ir)reverent Churchgoer

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Have you ever had an urge to laugh when you are supposed to be quiet, thoughtful and well-behaved?  What about those times when something that is supposed to be serious and solemn goes wrong and, even though it wasn’t funny at the time, it’s hilarious when you think about it later?
A great place for things to go wrong, especially for Catholics, is at church, especially during a service that only comes once a year or so.  If that service contains a procession, watch out.  Processions are flubs waiting to happen.
Anything involving large crosses, books, flowers, statues, holy water or incense usually goes without a hitch.  The priests are pros at this.  Altar servers, readers, deacons and Eucharistic ministers just have to carry whatever they are supposed to carry and go where they are told, which usually means the same direction the priests are heading in.  No problem here.
The worst procession destroyers are lit candles and choir members.
Humankind first mastered fire over 1 million …